Credit: Dj Semtex
I haven’t been able to avoid the story of Young Jeezy’s arrest which has been all over the news lately. After I read the article on TMZ, I decided I had to blog about it although I had just blogged about spanking yesterday because the story is an excellent example of why corporal punishment doesn’t work.
According to TMZ, Young Jeezy was arrested for assaulting his son because of the contents of a text message the 16 year-old sent to his father. The other details of the incident are pretty disturbing yet in the comments below the story, I’ve noticed that people are “waiting to see what really happened”. I wonder, however, what the reactions would have been if the following had occurred?:
- Jeezy got into a fight with his wife in a bathroom and he threw his wife into the glass shower door, causing her to hit her head. Then Jeezy allegedly punched her in the face, dragged her into the bedroom, threw her on the bed and pummeled her.
According to the incident report, Jeezy’s wife attempted to escape but the rapper’s bodyguard blocked the stairwell.
TMZ reports the docs go on — claiming Jeezy subsequently choked his wife and said, “I will kill you.” According to police docs, Jeezy’s wife claims her husband said, “I will put a bullet in your head right now,” adding, “If I could get away with it, I would kill you.”
I’m not a gambler but I’m betting that your reactions would have been different. More than likely, the comment would be that Young Jeezy should go to jail. There probably wouldn’t be any equivocating about what his wife did to provoke him or questions about how many times he’s “lost it”. Yet these are the responses because Young Jeezy’s alleged victim was his sixteen year-old son.
I do understand that most spankings do not go as far as smashing a child’s head into a glass shower door but even a shorter, less painful spanking is bad because it devalues the child. Also, spanking take the focus off what the child did wrong to the spanking itself. Any lesson Young Jeezy wanted to teach his teen-aged was lost in the screams, pain, and the humiliation his son felt as he was beaten in front of the bodyguard.
What if Young Jeezy had used the “Love and Logic” parenting method?
We don’t know what was in that text message but it’s safe to say that it infuriated Young Jeezy. As a “Love and Logic” parent, the first thing he would have done would is calm down. Arguing with a child, changes the dynamic of the parenting relationship and actually adds to further acting out as the child now sees you as an equal. It’s important that we are calm when we reinforce the rules and the consequences for choosing to disregard the rules because it keeps the focus on the child’s poor choices, not the parent’s anger. Sounds like pie in the sky thinking? Well, if you were angry at your boss or a police officer, you would find a way to calm down and convey your point without yelling and screaming.
The second thing Young Jeezy could have done is use a “delayed consequence”. Sometimes, it’s hard to come up with a consequence on the spot especially when you are upset so calmly inform your child that the consequence will come at a later time. One “Love and Logic” consequence that I like, is the recommendation, “go on strike” so Young Jeezy could have sharply curtailed his son’s privileges until he learned to be respectful.
If he were my child, he would have lost his phone and would have to earn it back and he may have also lost rides to friends and any fun activities. His son would have learned a lesson and the parent-child relationship would have remained intact.
Questions: Do you believe it is possible to raise a black child with the “Love and Logic” parenting method? Please let me know what you think in the comments.