Listen To Your Children’s Dreams

Posted on by

Biker Boy and I have a morning ritual where he jumps into bed with me for a cuddle and I ask him about his dreams. It started out of pure maternal curiosity but now I use it give me insight into what he is thinking or feeling. I believe dreams give me an insight into my psyche so of course, I do the same with my boy. By listening to his dreams, I have figured out what he’s afraid of or excited about. Most of the time, it’s a recounting of something that happened the day before or watched on tv.

Bright and too early this morning, Biker Boy excitedly told me about a superhero version of his play-date with Berry Girl, my friend’s daughter. They had spent most of the play-date playing with Berry Girl’s ride-on cars which are the coolest things I’ve seen in a while. When he started telling me about the dream, I immediately thought that it would just be a rehash of the previous day but it wasn’t. In his dream, he and his friend battled some bad guys while in their ride-on cars which could now transform! The important part is that he said he didn’t feel afraid and when he and Berry Girl took on the bad guys , he felt like he didn’t need his parents. What I am taking from this dreams that he is aware that his growing independence from his parents and he is comfortable with the transition. It was bittersweet because while I am so proud that he is strong and independent, I am aware that he is no longer my little baby.

I checked one of my favorite websites, Psychology Today, for validation to get a psychologist’s take on children’s dreams. According to Psychology Today, there are five reasons why parents should listen to their children’s dreams:


    1. Dreaming is part of human experience. Scientists have shown that all mammals dream, and that as children we spend more time dreaming than we do as adults. In fact neuroscientist J. Allan Hobson calculated that by the age of 70, most adults will have spent six years of their lives dreaming. That is a significant part of our lifespan to ignore!

    2. Dreams can be fun. Children regularly dream of things they love, such as friends, family, pets, favorite celebrities and cartoon characters and like to talk about their dream adventures.

    3. Some children may have spiritual dreams. As psychoanalyst Carl Jung noted many ‘big’ or spiritually significant dreams occur in childhood. Recent research with children shows that many experience at least one dream which is highly meaningful and can shape their thoughts and actions.

    4. Nightmares are frightening. Yet nightmares are a normal part of childhood sleep. Children will need to try to make sense of them and will need your help. Whilst it is tempting to reassure them that the monster in the nightmare isn’t real, it will certainly feel real to them and can make them fearful of going to sleep in case it returns. Try asking them to draw the images and then draw a different version with a happier ending.

    5. Children just want to share with you. Just as children are eager to tell you their thoughts, feelings and what they have been doing whilst awake, they are often keen to tell you what they have been doing in their sleep. Listening will mean a lot to them and can help to bring you closer.

A final point made in the article is to not force the little ones to tell their dreams. There are some mornings when Biker Boy acts like I asked him to pick up his toys when I ask him about his dreams so I stop and I try again the next day. As with all things in mommyhood, consistency and repetition are key. Are your kids sharing their dreams? Let me know in the comments.

Related articles

Freebie Friday: Your Kids Can Learn Computer Programming For Free!

Posted on by

Zora Ball, youngest mobil app designer

That’s seven year-old Zora Ball, a cute but most importantly, a smart girl who is the youngest person ever to design a mobile app. Zora attends a science and technology in Philadelphia and she learned to design the program at her afterschool program, STEMnasium.

Some experts argue that kids should be learning computer coding along with reading and writing because we don’t have enough programmers in this country and that’s where Code.org comes in. This awesome website wants to ensure that our children learn have the ability to learn computer sciences.

    Code.org is a non-profit dedicated to growing computer science education by making it available in more schools, and increasing participation by women and underrepresented students of color. Our vision is that every student in every school should have the opportunity to learn computer programming. We believe computer science should be part of the core curriculum in education, alongside other science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) courses, such as biology, physics, chemistry and algebra.
    Our goals include:
    Bringing Computer Science classes to every K-12 school in the United States, especially in urban and rural neighborhoods.
    Demonstrating the successful use of online curriculum in public school classrooms
    Changing policies in all 50 states to categorize C.S. as part of the math/science “core” curriculum
    Harnessing the collective power of the tech community to celebrate and grow C.S. education worldwide
    To increase the representation of women and students of color in the field of Computer Science.


Coder Dojo
Another organization that is in the community, bringing programming to kids form K-12 is Coder Dojo. On any Saturday around the country, volunteers teach kids how to do coding, create computer programs and games. Please check out their website for a location near you and please pass it on.

Related articles

How To Break Promises To Your Kids (Love and Logic Post)

Posted on by

No cake for you!

For most parents, the response that immediately comes to mind when your child has not lived up to their end of a bargain is, “Heck no!” Well, “Love and Logic” suggests a different response that is as usual, laden with empathy and helps your kids focus on their actions. It’s somewhat of mental Aikido where you are using your child’s strength (the ability to make you feel guilty) against him. *Cue maniacal laugh* (Yes, the Love and Logic people are better than this than I am. I’m sure their laugh is more empathetic.) Enough with the preamble. Please check out the article:

Breaking Promises

Sixteen-year-old Josh was livid, “Mom, you promised! You said that I’d get a car when I was sixteen. You always expect me to keep my promises!”

Mom was frustrated and confused. She’d made that promise two years ago. Part of her believed that she was obligated to live with her promise. The other part of her realized that Josh was now drinking with his friends. She was terrified that this could lead to a driving tragedy. What should she do?

The answer is that promises can only be made with the assumption that conditions will remain the same. However, there are times when conditions change and the basis for the promise is no longer valid.

Mom needs to answer Josh with, “This is sad. I decided to make that promise based on not worrying about alcohol use. I could have kept the promise if things had stayed the same. Now that I worry about your use of alcohol I have a responsibility to change my decision.”

It is often helpful to explain this to children at the time a promise is made.

To learn more about how to easily handle situations like the one above…and for a great overall introduction to the Love and Logic approach, watch the video How To Raise Kids Who Make Responsible Decisions When Nobody Is Watching.

Please Boycott Kanye West

Posted on by

Kanye West’s “attempt” to take back the Confederate flag seems disingenuous at best and a media ploy at worst. As a black mother, I am outraged that a black man would attempt to sell Confederate flag-themed apparel to young people who probably don’t really understand the flag’s place in African American history. Thanks to a failing educational system, it is likely that the young people at his concerts do not understand the history of the Confederate flag. Kanye West’s use of the flag easily dupes them into thinking that such a hateful symbol is “cool.” It is up to us as mothers and loved ones to swiftly disabuse them of any idea that the Confederate flag is anything but hateful.

Southern Pride


The Confederate flag has never been about “Southern pride.” The “I Love New York” emblem it is not. It is a symbol of the South’s fight to continue slavery, a fight that almost destroyed this country. The fact that a war was fought to get rid of that flag gets glossed over these days as does the reason for the war between the North and South. There are certain vestiges of the past that cannot be rehabilitated. For instance, we cannot or should not rehabilitate the swastika because just as with slavery, it represents the mass murder of innocent people.

The Dave Chappelle Argument
Kanye’s selling of the Confederate flag at his concerts reminded me of Dave Chappelle’s reason for leaving his eponymous show. Dave Chappelle told Oprah that he felt his sketches were “socially irresponsible” and that he hadn’t taken into consideration that his audience’s diversity. According to Chappelle, he felt instead of making fun of stereotypes, he was actually reinforcing them. In my opinion, Kanye’s rationale runs the same risk. In fact, I think it’s beyond a risk at this point. Instead of marginalizing the flag, Kanye’s use popularizes it and gives racists a perfect opportunity make a mockery of the young black people who hand over their parents’ hard earned money to buy an emblem of hate.

Boycott Kanye West

Boycott Kanye West

We are not powerless. We can help to stop this misguided idea and Kanye West. Reverend Sharpton and the National Action Network have started a petition to boycott Kanye’s Confederate apparel but I feel efforts should go further. Just as concerned black women did with Rick Ross, Kanye’s endorsements and financial deals should be targeted until he stops selling the merchandise and apologizes. We owe it to those who have gone before us and our children.

Related articles

Congratulations to Chirlane McCray, The First Lady Of New York

Posted on by
Bill de Blasio and his black wife

Bill de Blasio and his family

We have a black mother in Gracie Mansion!

I was happy to see on Huffington Post that Bill de Blasio won the mayoral election in New York as was expected because of his gigantic lead in the polls. Most importantly, however, there will be a black First Lady in Gracie Mansion. I am not a New York but I was rooting for de Blasio because he has vowed to end that atrocious “Stop and Frisk” policy which allows the police to treat our kids as suspects merely for walking to school or work. de Blasio actually made the policy the forefront of his campaign even having his biracial son do a campaign commercial against “Stop and Frisk”:

Under Bloomberg, the number of young black males who were stopped went from 100,000 per year when the former mayor took office to now 700,000. I don’t think I am going out on a limb when I say that having a child who will be subjected to “Stop and Frisk” probably made this personal for Mr. de Blasio and his wife, Chirlane McCray. Yet, another reason why a diversity of cultures and thought matters.

The Logic of Stupid Poor People

Posted on by

As moms we want to teach our children money management skills, but we are also black moms, so we have to raise our children to make white people comfortable with the color of their skin. We teach them to dress in a way that signals to white people that they are “safe” from our children’s blackness. Our black children must wear clothes that conform with upper-class white values because this says “I’m just like you” to whites who may be offering them a job or who be another George Zimmerman. In other words, we try to de-center racial stereotypes by being natty dressers.

Looking “safe” comes at a price, however, and that is why this article resonated with me. I still don’t have the answer as a grown woman so I struggle with how I will teach my son how to navigate the line between frugality and upward mobility.
This piece explores this tension in such an elegant way. No wonder it is the most popular article on Talking Points Memo for all of 2013!

tressiemc22's avatartressiemc

We hates us some poor people. First, they insist on being poor when it is so easy to not be poor. They do things like buy expensive designer belts and $2500 luxury handbags.

Screen shot 2013-10-29 at 12.11.13 PMTo be fair, this isn’t about Eroll Louis. His is a belief held by many people, including lots of black people, poor people, formerly poor people, etc. It is, I suspect, an honest expression of incredulity. If you are poor, why do you spend money on useless status symbols like handbags and belts and clothes and shoes and televisions and cars?

One thing I’ve learned is that one person’s illogical belief is another person’s survival skill. And nothing is more logical than trying to survive.

My family is a classic black American migration family. We have rural Southern roots, moved north and almost all have returned. I grew up watching my great-grandmother, and later my…

View original post 1,789 more words